Bornean residents forced to evacuate

Indonesian Ministry of Forestry, Zulkifli Hasan has stated in a press conference on April 1st that all urban areas on the island of Borneo will be shut down. The reason for this sudden stop of not only the expansion of metropolitan areas, but also to their existence is the Indonesian government’s recent plan to evacuate all citizens currently residing in Indonesian Borneo.

The President of Indonesia
The President of Indonesia

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono congregated with the ministry of forest over the weekend and the plans were finalized.

“Borneo will finally be returned to it’s rightful owners: the orangutans,” said President Yudhoyono.

This decision was made after the staggering reports that Bornean orangutan populations had dropped by over 50% since the late 1970’s. The government understands that this will be inconvenient for a lot of people, but that ultimately the president has a responsibility to take care of the only arboreal great ape.

Conservationists cheer as they pack up their bags, no not even the saviors are safe from this plan to remove all people from the island of Borneo.

“We just couldn’t be happier to have a reason to go,” says long time orangutan vet and Aussie-born Sandy Wright.

It is the hope of the ministry of forest that three decades without human interaction should get their ecosystem back on track. This means no deforestation, no new palm oil plantations and definitely no mining.

Orangutan says goodbye, and good riddance
Orangutan says goodbye, and good riddance

This plan will not only help to boost orangutan populations but will also create a much better Borneo.

Once people are allowed to re-enter the island in the year 2044 they will be required to receive a permit and sign an agreement stating that they will not cut down any trees or harm any native wildlife beyond what is needed for survival.

The rest of the world looks on in shock as thousands of Indonesians are taken in boats away from their homes to the foreign countries who have agreed to take in the refugees.

“Well they promised that we wouldn’t be going to camps, but instead will have work opportunities to stimulate¬†the economy in places like Japan,” says newly displaced Indonesian, Pak Makmur. “At least we will be able to come home to a restored forest.”

The orangutans could be seen waving goodbye as the beasts that have hunted them for decades sailed off into the sunset.

If you’re still reading, you’ve probably figured out that this post is more fiction than fact. Happy April Fools!

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